He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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