My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
