you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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