My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
