so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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