and you said cock pushups were impossible
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
