Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize