Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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