At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
