why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
