Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We just shotgunned beers for America
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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