you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
