You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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