mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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