and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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