just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
