Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
