I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
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You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
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It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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