I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
