Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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