Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
