Jerry, you need to find god
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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