I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
