Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
