you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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