i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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