Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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