Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
