So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
