I CAN MOONWALK!
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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