I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
