I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
