shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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