my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
