He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i think i have two assholes
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
