We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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