Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
