let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
