She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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