Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
