well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
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If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
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OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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