i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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