Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
