i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
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In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
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You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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