he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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