After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
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Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
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I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.