I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.