is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
