There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever