He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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