he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
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Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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