The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
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