3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
