maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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