My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
