fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Randomize
