I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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