He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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