how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
