Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
