Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
