Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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