If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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