On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
