apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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