If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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