opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I am midnight drunk by noon
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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