Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
