you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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