oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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