i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
