forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
