I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
