They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Houston, we have a blender
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
