Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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