You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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