Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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