i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She told me I should be a condom model.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
