i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
