can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
