The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Vodka?
Forever.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
