I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
