If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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