I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
