So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
