Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
