i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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