if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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