also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
